A Closing Message For 2020

As we come to the end of 2020, it has been a year of uncertainty and isolation as we all deal with the outcome of the COVID-19 pandemic.  This will definitely be noted in the history books. For Moms Stop The Harm, our hearts go out to all those most vulnerable who are dealing with the collision of two critical health emergencies; COVID-19 and the OVERDOSE CRISIS.

Sadly we have seen the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on the increased numbers of overdose related deaths. The stress and isolation of COVID-19 has presented enormous challenges for individuals who struggle and the front line agencies who work tirelessly offering their support.  The tragic surge in overdoses throughout the pandemic has only underlined the immediate need for a safer supply.   The convergence of these two health epidemics has heightened the importance of MSTH advocacy efforts as we go into the New Year.  

We’d like to close this year in honour and remembrance of all those we have tragically lost and the families left behind to grieve.  These tragic losses only serve to strengthen our commitment for change. Our hope continues for those who struggle as we strongly advocate for a safer supply to put an end to the overdose deaths. 

As we close this year, we extend our sincere thanks and appreciation to all our members and donors for their support of our advocacy efforts.  The contributions you make both financially and in solidarity are making a difference.  Here are some examples of where your support has made an impact!

• MSTH was able to hire its first employee which has provided helpful support to the board and our program development.

• Membership throughout Canada received funds to assist in the purchase of MSTH banners and MSTH Brochures which in turn help families feel connected to support.

• Due to COVID 19, MSTH assisted with the purchase of Zoom accounts to continue the vital support needed to families in our Healing Hearts Bereavement Groups and Holding Hope Support group.

• MSTH assisted in funding the development of a French MSTH FB group and the translation of materials for our French speaking citizens. We are working on a French version of our website for early 2021.

• MSTH Memorial Photos took place in Edmonton, AB, Piikani Nation land, AB, Regina, SK and Victoria and Mission, BC. this past year.

• While COVID-19 put an end to most in-person events it was also the beginning of our online meetings and webinars (see last point). The board used this time to hold planning meetings to develop or refine our mission, vision and values.

• IOAD events were held in many communities across Canada, mostly virtually, but some centres held small gatherings.

• MSTH streamed a Facebook live event for International Overdose Awareness Day which can be viewed here

• Anti - Stigma Billboards were displayed in Victoria, Vancouver and Kelowna, BC., Edmonton and Calgary, AB., Saskatoon and Regina, SK., Winnipeg, MB., Ottawa, ON and Montreal, QC. Many of these can be viewed on our Instagram channel.

• Additional white Christmas trees were purchased as a memorial display in Powell River, BC., Kelowna, BC., Kamloops, BC., Peterborough, ON and other centres are in the works. These trees were made possible by MSTH members in their local communities.

• BC launched its Stronger Together project with funding from the BC Government “Community Crisis Innovation Fund”. The goal of the project is to build capacity for family-led support groups in regions and towns where little or none exists: Healing Hearts (for families experiencing the grief of losing a loved one to drugs), and Holding Hope (for families with loved ones using drugs).

• Victoria/Vancouver Island, BC Members held a series of four loud protests outside the Ministry of Health Building calling for Safe Supply and Decriminalization.

• Gone Too Soon Handbooks, vital to those newly bereaved, were printed and handed out to families across Canada. A French version is also available.

• Some of our advocates are engaged in peaceful civil disobedience to protect unsanctioned safes supply initiative and overdose prevention sites in Vancouver, BC and Lethbridge, Alberta.

• Members in BC and AB protested the lack of and effective government response to the crisis in Victoria BC, and against the closure of supervised consumption services in Alberta.

• The results of the first ever Canadian research project into mother’s advocacy MSTH participated in were published and a final report sent to all mothers who contributed.

• While many conferences and meetings were cancelled, MSTH participated in several events earlier in the year and remotely during and after the shutdown, including Health Canada Public Edition Partnership Meeting.

• Spearheaded by team Ontario, we launched our Petition to the Government of Canada and Motion to Municipalities calling for urgent action on the overdose crisis.

• Together with other advocacy groups and allies we participated in important letter writing campaigns to political leaders, such a letter to the Alberta Government in support of the cancelled iOAT program and our objection to the proposed involuntary care for youths (Bill 22) in BC.

• MSTH board members and advocates continue to serve and provide the voice of families on local, regional, provincial and national boards and commissions, including the Health Canada People with Lived and Living Experience Council and the Canadian Centre for Substance Use and Addiction LLEAFF (Lived and Living Experience Family and Friends) committee.

• The documentary Flood, Inside the Opioid Epidemic in Canada, filmed in 2019 was released. Several of our members contributed to the documentary and to a follow-up, filmed this year in Alberta.

• We were invited and pleased to contribute to the the “#GettingToTomorrow Ending the Overdose Crisis” project by the Canadian Drug Policy Coalition. Several members were featured in videos for the project, and our members from New Brunswick and Quebec at spoke meetings and contributed their child’s stories.

• Several Moms Stop The Harm members gathered with PURPLE WING mothers of drug victims Internationaler Mütterverein G-Austria, as well as moms (and one dad) from Poland, Germany, and Sweden for an online candle lighting ceremony to remember our loved ones lost to substance use related causes.

• MSTH held several webinars in 2020 including the following which can be viewed on our YouTube channel:

  • Ask Mom" Seminar: The Opioid Crisis, With an Eye on Design

  • IOAD Strategies Video 

  • Petition to the Canadian Federal Government on the Overdose Crisis

  • From Grief To Advocacy with Petra Schulz

  • Pivot Legal Society - Decriminalization, Defunding and Regulation of Safe Supply

I am a mother, a mother without a child

On December 13, several Moms Stop The Harm members gathered with Mothers from Purple Wings in Austria, as well as moms (and one dad) from Poland, Germany, and Sweden for an online candle lighting ceremony to remember our loved ones lost to substance use related causes.

The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting on the 2nd Sunday in December unites family and friends around the globe in lighting candles for one hour to honor the memories of the sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, and grandchildren who left too soon. As candles are lit on December 13th, 2020 at 7:00 pm local time, hundreds of thousands of people commemorate and honor the memory of all children gone too soon (Compassionate Friends, Worldwide Candle Lighting Service, 2020).

The event was organized by the group Purple Wings in Austria. Each mother who attended talked about her child and the hope we have for change to prevent further deaths. The work of MSTH is an inspiration to mothers in other countries to start their own movement, like Purple Wings and Ordförande i BARO - Brukaranhörigas Riksorganisation in Sweden have already done.

Doro Götterer lives in Vienna and is the founder of Purple Wing and the following is her story in English.

I am a mother, a mother without a child.

A paradox in itself...

But I am Alexander's mother. Alexander was only 19 years old when he died. I died with him.

Today another woman is sitting here, someone I meet a little bit every day, my reflection in the mirror.

Five years was a process, a time to crystallize who I am now.

I was broken down, I was literally in the hell of my own being, I worked day and night, without sleep, on the edge of life and death, I got drunk by myself on Christmas Eve,  I jumped with a parachute from 4 thousand meters, slept in a tent at -10 degrees, I was completely alone, because in mourning you are alone, even if someone is next door. I was confronted with my new self, which I did not want.

It looked as if my son was the only high school student in Europe who died from drugs and I was the only mother mourning.

In 2018, in December, I  virtually met Helen and Darlana. Then Sabine, Karin, Manuela, Silvia, Beata, Halina, and Renata appeared, and today I sit here and see all of you.

I would like to thank those two Canadian mothers Helen and Darlan who showed me the way, I am stronger than ever, I feel great energy to speak freely:

I am the mother of a drug victim. I am a victim of stigma and I am a free woman. A person who will never again be convinced that she has no rights like everyone else has in the democracy of the European Union. I have the right to ask the European Union why the cooperation of police, prosecutors, and similar institutions was a total system failure in 2015. as it was the case with the investigation into the death of my son. He died in a member state of the EU, but outside the country where he lived and outside the country of which he was a citizen. I have the right to receive answers to my questions from these institutions. The issue of drugs, victims of drugs, victims' families is a taboo subject.

We are pushed to the margins of the parental community and committed to explaining our parental responsibilities, although those who are pushing us are more likely than we think to be parents of children who sold death to our children.

The easiest way is for them to blame a broken person or one who is no longer there. Why? Because politicians, who are also paid from our pockets, are not able to solve drug problems. Prevention programs are a series of unsuccessful and uninteresting pamphlets that are not adapted to the spirit of the times, are not modern and strategically thought out and, in particular, their message is not adapted to the situation. As a result, it's just senselessly spent money on printing ads - after all, something is done!

I firmly believe that no one in the universe will fight better on this front than a mother or father who survived the purple tragedy. Our children have left us not only with sadness and mourning but also with a great task that we can -perhaps- do together, Together and better than our daughters and sons could ever have imagined.

One mother or father in mourning is mourning for the rest of the world and is classified as "exaggerated," 10 mothers and 10 fathers are a group of "sorrows" who usually spoil the climate in the shopping centers at the "white Christmas" before Christmas. Thousands of voices around the world and an intercontinental network for exchanging information and ideas, giving each other strength, is a purple conspiracy. And this is my "Light in the Darkness".

I would like to mention the names of Patryk 19 years old, Maciej 33-year old, I would like to thank you by mentioning the name of a man who is not with us today, but acts with us and helped me prepare this meeting. He is the father of Ola +20 - thank you Tomek for his commitment to our cause and his work.

I close today's meeting with a quote from Sabina, who spoke at the opening of the meeting:

"And we will never stop talking about our boys and girls. We will never... and even if we die,   our whispers pronouncing their names will spread between the trees”.

Ich bin eine Mutter, eine Mutter ohne Kind.

Das Paradox in sich...

Aleksander and his mother Doro

Aber ich bin Aleksanders Mutter.

Aleksander war erst 19 Jahre alt, als er starb.

Ich starb mit ihm.

Heute sitzt hier eine vollkommen andere Frau, als die, die ich noch vor 5 Jahren war.

Fünf Jahre war ein Prozess, ein Prozess, in dem sich herauskristallisiert hat, wer ich jetzt bin, oder sein werde.

Ich war zusammengebrochen, ich war buchstäblich in der Hölle meines eigenen Seins, ich arbeitete tagein, tagaus, ohne Schlaf, am Rande von Leben und Tod, ich betrank mich allein am Heiligabend, sprang aus 4.000 Metern Höhe mit dem Fallschirm ab, schlief bei -10 Grad in einem Zelt, ich war völlig allein, denn in der Trauer, ist man allein, auch wenn nebenan jemand ist.

Ich wurde mit einem neuen ICH konfrontiert, das ich nicht wollte.

Es sah so aus, als wäre mein Sohn der einzige Schüler in Europa, der an Drogen starb, und ich war die einzige Mutter in Europa, die getrauert hat.

Im Dezember 2018 traf ich virtuell Helen und Darlana, dann Sabine, Karin, Manuela, Silvia, Beata, Halina, Renata und viele noch. Und ich sitze heute hier und sehe, dass das „alleine-Sein“ nur eine Illusion war. Dass die Wahrheit viel schrecklicher ist, wir sind sehr viele...

Ich möchte diesen beiden kanadischen Müttern Helen und Darlana danken, sie haben mir den Weg gezeigt, frei sprechen zu können und ich bin stärker denn je:

Ich bin die Mutter eines Drogenopfers. Ich bin Opfer von Stigmatisierung und ich bin eine freie Frau, ein Mensch, der sich nie wieder einreden lässt,

·          dass ich nicht die gleiche Rechte wie alle andere habe, in der Demokratie der Europäischen Union,

·          dass mein Sohn an einem sogenannten peinlichen Tod gestorben wäre,

·          dass ich keine Rechte hätte, an die Europäische Union Fragen zu stellen: Zum Beispiel die, warum die Zusammenarbeit von Polizei, Staatsanwaltschaft und ähnlichen Institutionen in dem Fall des Todes meines Sohnes im Jahre 2015 völlig versagt hat; und

·          dass ich vor allem auch das Recht habe, Antworten zu bekommen.

Das Thema Drogen, Drogenopfer, Familien von Drogenopfern ist ein Tabuthema hier in Österreich.

Wir werden an den Rand der elterlichen Gemeinschaft gedrängt und still verpflichtet, zu klären, ob wir die elterlichen Pflichten richtig erfüllt hätten, obwohl die Wahrscheinlichkeit ziemlich groß ist, dass diejenigen, die uns drängen, die Eltern von Kindern sind, die unseren Kindern den Tod verkauft haben.

Beispiel: Drogenhandel in den Schulen.

Warum ist es der einfachste Weg, einem gebrochenen Menschen, der in einem unsichtbaren Rollstuhl sitzt, die Schuld zu geben, oder einem, der tot ist? Warum?

Weil Politiker, die auch aus unserer Tasche bezahlt werden, nicht in der Lage sind, Drogenprobleme zu lösen, weil Präventionsprogramme eine Reihe von erfolglosen und uninteressanten Broschüren sind, die nicht dem Zeitgeist angepasst sind, nicht modern und strategisch durchdacht sind, vor allem in der Art und Weise der Vermittlung. Das ist reine Geldverschwendung.

Ich bin zutiefst davon überzeugt, dass niemand im ganzen Universum besser um Problemlösungen kämpfen wird, als eine Mutter oder ein Vater, die eine violette Tragödie überlebt haben. Unsere Kinder haben uns nicht nur die Trauer hinterlassen, sondern auch die große Aufgabe, die wir vielleicht gemeinsam angehen sollten.

Eine trauernde Mutter oder ein trauernder Vater ist für den Rest der Welt erbärmlich und wird als "übertriebener" eingestuft, 10 Mütter und 10 Väter des Knüppels der "Traurigkeit", die dazu neigen, die Atmosphäre in den Einkaufszentren der "weißen Weihnacht" vor Weihnachten zu verderben. Tausende von Elternstimmen, die auf der ganzen Welt zuhören werden, und das interkontinentale Netzwerk des Informationsaustausches und der Ideenentwicklung, das sich gegenseitig Kraft gibt, das nenne ist eine violette Verschwörung. Und dies ist mein "Licht in der Finsternis".

Ich möchte noch Patryk, 19 Jahre alt, und Maciej 33 erwähnen, sie sind die Kinder von Eltern  die heute nicht dabei sein können.

Und ich möchte Tomek nennen, der heute nicht da ist, der aber mit und für uns arbeitet und mir bei der Vorbereitung dieses Treffens geholfen hat. Er ist der Vater von Ola +20 – vielen Dank an Tomek für sein Engagement.

Ich schließe die heutige Sitzung mit einem Zitat von Sabine Oehlzand, Mutter von Patrick +20, Österreich

„Und wir werden nie aufhören über unsere Jungs zu reden.

Niemals und selbst wenn wir einmal sterben flüstern wir ihre Namen durch die Bäume“

December Blog for Navigating the Holidays

There are many things involved in losing a loved one to substance use disorder, accidental overdose, and health issues brought on by use of damaging substances that complicate the grieving process for many of us. The type of loss we are experiencing is called Disenfranchised Grief, which is defined as “grief that persons experience when they incur a loss that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, socially sanctioned or publicly mourned” (Doka, 1989)

Holidays and family gatherings are some of the most challenging dates on a calendar to navigate after losing a loved one while we may be feeling “disenfranchised grief.” These moments can be especially difficult as it triggers memories of family gatherings past and can intensify our feelings of loss.  There is no “right” or “wrong” way to approach the holiday season or any time of the year for that matter. The truth is that every day we grieve our loved ones. That will never change.

Whether you are newly grieving or further down the journey of loss, everyone will approach family events and special occasions in their own unique way. What is important to remember is that we be present for our loss in whatever form the holidays do or don’t take.  This is definitely a time to be gentle with yourself.  Making sure you lower your expectations and share with others about what you need is important during this time. Give yourself permission to feel and experience anything that might come your way. Planning ahead for what you need is important.  Sharing your plans with family and friends is essential, as they may not know how to support you through this time. 

Everyone’s situation is unique. Here are some tips for coping with with grief:

• Continue traditions that you enjoy and leave out those that you don’t,

• Remind yourself that it’s okay to laugh as well as cry.

• Talk with other bereaved people, family or friends to ask how they get through the holidays.

• Write in your journal.

• Look for unique ways to honour your loved one:

  • make their favourite meal,

  • listen to their favourite song,

  • light a special candle with an intention,

  • make a memorial planting in a garden,

  • make a donation to a meaningful charity in their name,

  • say a prayer at your place of worship,

  • donate of your time at something that is important to you.

Just remember that these days may be some of the roughest terrains we will have to navigate after a loss. The important thing is to be present in whatever form that means to you. These days will happen whether we want them to or not, and we must live through them as part of our grief journey and in the memory of our loved ones.

Be kind and gentle with yourself and listen to your soul. It will guide you through the difficult days.

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For further resources, please check out these links:

Healing Hearts with Moms Stop The Harm: Peer Bereavement Support Groups

Disenfranchised Grief: 64 Examples of Disenfranchised Grief

Gone Too Soon: Navigating Grief And Loss As A Result Of Substance Use Loss

64 Tips for Coping with Grief At The Holiday

Canadian Virtual Hospice: How To Survive The Holidays While You Are Grieving

Reference: Doka K. Disenfranchised Grief: Recognizing Hidden Sorrow. New York, NY: Lexington Books; 1989.

Memorial Photos - Victoria and Mission, BC.

October 3, 2020 - MSTH members gathered in Victoria for another series of photos in Uplands Park in remembrance of loved ones who died from overdose. (Photo Credit - Rick Collins Photography)

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October 17, 2020 - MSTH members gathered in Mission BC on Braich Family lands for a series of photos in remembrance of loved ones who died from overdose. (Photo credit David Campion)

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MSTH members have organized these events locally. We now have memorial photo shoots in remembrance of our loved ones in the following cities.

• Kelowna, BC.

• Vancouver, BC.

• Powell River, BC.

• Niagara Falls, ON.

• Edmonton, AB.

• Piikani Reserve in Brocket, AB

• Regina, SK

• Montreal, QC (Spring, 2021)

If you would like to organize an event in your area, please contact us for more information at info@momsstoptheharm.com

MSTH Updates from Quebec - Board Member, Isabelle Fortier

A lot is happening for MSTH in the province of Quebec!

Since the beginning of September, we now have a Francophone Facebook group to connect with our French-speaking families.  We also worked hard to get some of the MSTH website pages translated, so French-speakers who are not comfortable with English can easily access the information on our site, join the organization and become advocates.  We had two Zoom meetings with some of our families, in order to exchange and to get to know each other better.  Some families who have lost a loved one, some families with someone suffering with Substance Use Disorder. The conversations did a lot of good for many of us, since we now feel that we are connected, feel less isolated and are there for one another. This will eventually become our Healing Hearts and Holding Hope support groups.  As for now, we are keeping it quite informal, since we only have 155 members and only a dozen or so who participated in the Zoom. However, we will continue to recruit members and will search for good group leaders who are willing to get involved in leading our support groups.

Our next tasks will be:

• to recruit new members from the province,

• to have advocates from everywhere in the province joining in our mission,

• to help with the national petition to the MPs,

• to network with families from outside of the Montreal Metro area,

• to continue with the translation of the website (we found two wonderful and amazing translators from Rhizome Translation who are doing an amazing job!),

• to support our other board members from western Canada and Ontario in their respective tasks,

• to research and list the different resources for treatment and for families and condense them into a resources guide,

• to hold a white crosses photoshoot in the spring of 2021.

Please connect with us on Facebook or email us for more information

Voilà! We are evolving and becoming stronger together, d’un océan à l’autre!