My mom saved my life - while she was dying

By Elizabeth Lawrence (aka Florence Lorence) from Lethbridge Alberta - Shared to MSTH via Facebook and reprinted with permission.

Note: Florence self identifies with the term addict and we respect her choice of language.

Mary Ann Lawrence RIP

Mary Ann Lawrence RIP

Be kind to the suffering addict, the only way out is not to judge, shame and take away their worth......its already gone. The only way out is to give the gift of HOPE when they are finally completely feeling spiritually empty, hopeless and the life they once enjoyed is crumbling around them .  

I have been there.  If it wasn’t for my mother, my father and my friends I would not be here. Sue, who knew me from a from a previous stay at Sage health centre, and a stranger brought me back from my robbed life and non spiritual hell. With the worst greyhound trip across Canada (which I tried multiple unsuccessful attempts to bail). With nothing to drink or eat for two days I suffered even more.  A stranger, who knew I needed help, tucked me in and gave me my first drink.  I felt every drop as if it brought me back to life, it awakened my spirit, something so simple, as I looked at the can, the sky cleared up and the sun was shining onto my hand, on that can it said "Canada Dry".  I laughed because I truly was Canadian dry on a bus from Montreal to Kamloops (ticket given to me from Wayne and Karen, thank you. I’m forever grateful).

When I got off that bus that kind stranger said "you're a good person ". I cried and for the first time in a long time I had hope. He was returning home from his mother’s funeral. I now share that pain after losing my mother to cancer.  I wish I could thank him and tell him he's a good person. 

In sobriety, my addiction has been used against me, to deflect their own lies and issues. What helps me is going back to this time and see my worth again.

What I would like to say is: my story was about the kindness, love and hope, but it could have been the opposite with my mother, Sue, Wayne, Karen and this stranger not in it. I would have had zero treatment option, no way to get anywhere, not a good person. I would have felt worthless. This would have been my end, my life gone, love lost. There would be no hope and wouldn't have been there holding my mother’s hand when she needed me the most. 

I'm sure comments on here, on Roast and Toast [local Lethbridge Facebook page where this was first posted] may become harsh. I've been commenting for months on theses posts. I have many stories and so do a lot of addicts. I personally have been told I am stupid, a “f'nb”, mean, lied about in attempts to ruin my reputation, well petty much everything right down to “let addicts die”.

I’ve been told how dare I compare addiction to cancer , if you knew me you'd know I fight both (triple negative breast cancer) and know the outcome of both diseases and do have knowledge and this is my opinion. I will not let my Mothers cries and fight for me be for nothing.

  1. I will continue to know my truth and who I am whether I am using or not and defend other addicts whether they use or not.

  2. I will continue to stick up for those who are hurt by hate in every sense , in every illness.   

  3. I will continue to reach out my hand

  4. I will continue to comfort; hear their stories and I will continue to tell them they matter.   

I do know there is bad people out there who are addicts and who are not addicts, but most are not bad. My heart breaks for the ones suffering in this crisis. I don't think I would have accepted help if this is the way people were reacting. 

Lethbridge needs to stop talking negatively about addicts and give hope and love, compassion and understanding.

Please be a good person. 

Epilogue and comment by Elizabeth to MSTH:

My mother asked me before I left for Montreal if I was tiring to race her to her grave. I truly believe I held on because I saw her pain. I cannot imagine if I had passed, she could possibly be in more pain than I saw. She saved me and I know the mothers on your site [MSTH] have pain that is unbearable, and I think so brave to fight for a cause to help other mothers, children and support with education.

We need to be louder than the ones bringing stigma that's incorrect, they are a huge part of the problem. My mother was part of saving me but I also know one person sometimes isn't enough even if their bond is strong, I wish for the mothers here and elsewhere to please don't blame themselves, you are all the best mothers especially working for this cause, your my heroes.

MSTH: Thank you Elizabeth. Your words mean a lot to us. This fight is exhausting and sometimes it’s hard to know where we make a different. Words like yours sustain us and keep us going. You are right. We need to be louder!

The most effective treatment for opioid use is the one people are least likely to get.

Guest Blog by Jennifer J. Carroll, PhD MPH (she/her) reprinted from twitter with permission.

Comments in [ ] are from MSTH to offer a Canadian context and/or definitions.

A massive study (>40k people) [by Wakeman et al., 2020] on opioid addiction treatment finds significant reduction in overdose and health complications in patients on on Buprenorphine [Suboxone] and methadone [opioid agonist treatment (OAT)]. Other behavioral or residential care, detox, treatment with naltrexone [a substance that prevents the person from getting a high when they consume opioids], had SAME OUTCOMES AS NO TREATMENT AT ALL.

It's far beyond time to start asking ourselves a few tough questions: --why does SAMHSA {USA based Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services] financially support so many treatment centers that do not offer the only medications for opioid use disorder that are PROVEN to save lives?

[MSTH: We see the same in Canada with provincial governments investing in abstinence based residential programs, such as the recent announcement by the government of Alberta to invest 13 million into such treatment spaces.]

Why are individuals who are arrested and/or imprisoned almost universally denied these life saving medications, regardless of whether they need them or were receiving them from a doctor at time of arrest? Why are we allowing jails and prisons to celebrate themselves for "offering treatment" when all that means is dosing inmates with naltrexone--a medication known to INCREASE overdose risk--the moment they are released?

{MSTH: In Canada some correctional institutions offer OAT (Methadone & Suboxone), but inconsistently at the federal level and even less in provincial jails. Naltrexone is not used to the extend as it is in the US].

Why do so many drug courts refuse participants/defendants access to these medications? Many drug courts will treat prescription methadone and Buprenorphine as "failure" of the court program and will send people back to jail for meds received from their doctor.

[MSTH: Canadian Drug Treatment Courts require people to be abstinent to be in the program and to plead guilty to enter the program. Failure to comply will mean the end of the treatment program send the person to jail.]

This study simply reiterates several scientifically established truths that we have LONG known. This is very important research...but it's not news. We are how many years, how many tens of thousands of preventable deaths into this overdose epidemic now?

So why in the hell are these meds so SO under-used, under-promoted, unknown to people in need, disparages by certain segments of law enforcement, disparaged by certain segments of the recovery community. It makes no sense. Unless you recognize the fact that we hate people who use drugs. We hate them. We, as individuals, as families, as institutions, as a society. We tell them they are weak. We treat them like garbage. We tell them everything they are struggling with is their fault.

When we misplace blame onto people who use for things they can not control, we create this false belief in ourselves that people experiencing addiction need BETTER CHARACTER more than they need proven support---support that doesn't claim to require "rock bottom" to start working.

Let's be clear. "Rock bottom" is not a turning point. It is total abandonment. "Tough love" isn't support. It's abandonment. "A night in jail" isn't treatment. It's jail (h/t @DrKimSue). Anything that isn't proven, effective treatment ...isn't treatment.

If we truly love people living with opioid addiction, we will want them to be healthy and survive. If we want them to be healthy and survive, we MUST defend and fight for access to these meds.

Meds aren't a crutch. ~ Meds aren't a substitute addiction. ~ Meds save lives.

Love is not forcing more pain onto those already suffering.

Love is supporting the choices that people make for themselves when seeking addiction support.

Love is making sure that life saving medications (methadone and Buprenorphine) are ALWAYS among those available choices.

We so often and so tenaciously hate people who use drugs. But we can choose love. Ask where these meds can be accessed in your community. Ask why there isn't nearly enough enough access to meet need/demand. Then go out and fight for more.

The trouble with PChAD (The Protection of Children Abusing Drugs Act in Alberta)

Jason Luan, the Associate Minister of Mental Health & Addictions for the current UCP government of Alberta made an announcement on January 23rd, 2020 opening a $9.1-million safe house to replace a temporary PChAD Protective Safe House that has been serving the local community of Red Deer, since 2006.  

At first glance this appears like good news, but there are many problems with the PChAD model. The Protection of Children Abusing Drugs (PChAD) Act is an Alberta law that took effect on July 1, 2006. The process allows parents, or a legal guardian, to petition the court for a Protective Court Order for their child to be taken INVOLUNTARILY to a “Protective Safe House” for detoxification, stabilization and assessment. The court order is for an initial 10-day period with an option to increase that stay by another 5 days if parents are willing to go back to the court to apply for the extension.

I cannot begin to explain how trying the PChAD process was for myself and my then 16 year old daughter Zoe. After an emotional disclosure of circumstances with an AHS counsellor, I was given a requisition to present to Alberta Law Courts to secure a hearing with a judge in a family courtroom. The courtroom is filled with family court cases and you are sworn before the judge to speak about your child and explain the circumstances that have led you to this desperate point of involuntarily admitting your child. Others in the courtroom are listening to your situation and the atmosphere is incredibly intense. The judge in my case, made me feel very uncomfortable and I felt that his questions were derogatory. I was made to feel like I was a horrible parent as I tried to explain my child’s situation and addiction in order to receive the court order. This procedure was like nothing I had experienced before and I felt completely victimized. Once the judge granted the court order then I was instructed to connect with the Protective Safe House to secure a bed and advised that I generally had 24 hours to get my daughter to the safe house either voluntarily (ideal, but not always possible) or to involuntarily transport her to the safe house. In my daughters’ case we had to coerce her and have the police escort her there.

She was extremely angry and felt very violated by what we had done. To be honest I felt just as angry and violated by the system myself. Detox was very difficult and dangerous for her as is with most people going through it. The staff at the safe house was pleasant, although they wouldn’t give us a lot of information citing privacy issues. We tried to visit her, but she didn’t want to see us. I thought about applying for the extension for another 5 days, and hoped to get some kind of input from staff to see how she had done over the 10 day detox, but that didn’t happen and they couldn’t divulge any information to me so I was in the dark about what to do. When Zoe finally agreed to see me, she begged and pleaded with me not to apply for the extension, so I didn’t. After 10 days, she was released in my care with a treatment plan that was not shared with me, again for privacy issues. The staff told me that Zoe would have to share the treatment plan with me. Sadly, my husband and I brought her home knowing that the 10 day detox process had not been successful. She left in the middle of the night while we slept and met up with another youth that she had met in the protective safe house during their stay there together. They were both arrested the next day trying to steal liquor from a liquor store in the town where the other girl lived. This was my daughters first arrest and created a lot more problems for her moving forward from this experience. In the end, two PChAD court orders failed my daughter. She died on November 7, 2016 from fentanyl poisoning less than 4 months after she had turned 18.

The evidence (https://www.cmaj.ca/content/190/41/E1219 clearly demonstrates that involuntary treatment does not work. The reality Is that adolescents also have rights and forcing them into institutions against their will, will only produce more harm than good.

In June, 2018 The Office Of the Child and Youth Advocate released a 52 page investigative report to the then NDP government in Alberta entitled: INTO FOCUS: CALLING ATTENTION TO YOUTH OPIOID USE IN ALBERTA. The report investigated 12 youth (1 of which was my daughter) who had access to the PChAD program, not only once, but several times. All 12 of these youth died.

Several recommendations were made in this investigative report including the following with regards to PChAD.

Recommendation 5: The Ministry of Health should undertake a review of the Protection of Children Abusing Drugs (PChAD) Act and its policies, so the related services better meet the needs of young people and their families.

The OCYA investigation and its recommendations were lost in the 2019 election and change of leadership in AB, and it’s a shame because the youth in this report who slipped through the cracks DESERVE BETTER, and the youth who have died since and their desperate families deserve better.

More access to a program that is flawed and has failed youth and their families is NOT helpful.  Before any more support is given to PChAD, a review should be conducted of the act and its policies. The current UCP government has set up review committees on a variety of other things, since taking office – a review of the PChAD act should be a priority before putting youth into a dangerous situation.

Minister Luan, I ask you how many more youth do Albertan families have to bury before the PChAD order is reviewed and the recommendations are implemented?

Angela Welz - Zoe’s Mom

Zoe - Age 14

Zoe - Age 14